Adult Jokes - to brighten your day

Got this email recently and I found it quite amusing and would like to share it in my blog.

A judge asked a woman on why she wanted a divorce.
She answered, "Your Honor, he knew I'm a vegetarian and yet he still insists on putting his meat in my mouth."


Woman: "Doc, an ant entered my vagina, can you please take it out".
Doctor removes her panties and start making love.
Woman: "What are you doing?"
Doctor: "This is the only way to drown the bastard!"


Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
Answer: Your SALARY. It comes once a month, lasts 3 - 4 days & if it doesn't come you are in deep trouble!


A lady visited her doctor again.
The Dr. said: You look more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having 3 meals a day as I advised?
Lady: WHAT? I thought you said 3 MALES a day!!!!


Women asked God to make The Penis Pretty.
GOD Said "No way; Now As It Is, The Penis is so ugly & U still Suck It.   If  I make it Pretty You'll Eat It up!!


A nun went for a urine test. The sample got mixed up. When the doctor told her she was pregnant, she cried and said, "Shit, we can't even trust cucumber anymore.!"


A boy pulls down his pants in front of a girl & asked " Do yo have this? "
The girl lifted up her skirt & said, "My mom said with this I can have a lot of THAT!"


Schoolgirl: "I do not want to take the SEX EDUCATION".
Class Teacher: " Why not?"
Schoolgirl: "Someone told me the FINAL EXAM would be ORAL!"


Mother asks daughter, how is married life?
Daughter shyly says like BRITISH AIRWAYS.
Mother reads the advertisement & is shocked.
It says
"7 DAYS A WEEK, TWICE A DAY, BOTH WAYS!"


What is the STRONGEST muscle?
TONGUE - It can raise a woman's hip with just one lick!.
The lightest muscle?
PENIS! It can be raised by a woman's tongue!


Lady Immigration officer asked a Korean tourist: "Name?"
"Park Yu."
0fficer become angry & shouted back:  "FUCK YOU! Now what's your full name?"
Korean replied: "PARK YU TOO!!"

Man to wife: Business is bad, if you learn how to cook we can remove servant.
Wife: ASSHOLE! If you learn how to fuck, we can remove driver, gardener & watchman..


COCK say to his two BALLS: I am going to take you with me to a party.
BALLS said: You big fucking liar. You always get INSIDE and leave us hanging OUTSIDE!



A baby dog asked mama dog how papa look like?
Mama dog's reply: How I know. Your papa came from behind & I didn't have chance to see his face!"

GO UP