Short Note


The Manhattan Feast

Location: The Manhattan Fish Market
Event: Birthday Celebration
Total Price: RM300++ (9 teenagers with monstrous appetite)

Nothing special....just a fish chasing the squids. Fish eat more squids become tastier and then the fish will be hooked up by the fisherman and be taken to the Manhattan Fish Market and be served and eaten by us - customers.

However, the process of catching fresh and tasty fishes have some risks. The sea creature, such as in above picture, will harm those innocent but cruel fisherman's ships that roam around the sea. So BEWARE!!

The fishes will be served on this specially branded round wooden foodware (don't know what this is called)

Alright, finished with the 'talking crap' from previous photos. Lets begin with the sauce. Do you know that sauces are very important in Spanish foods? Opss....this is not Spanish foods by the way. The black colour sauce is the soy sauce and the white colour sauce on the right is the tartar sauce. The red colour sauce is none other than the sauce you were served when you ate chicken rice at the hawker stall - chilly sauce.
The Fisherman's Giant Fried Platter set (enough for 2 or 3 people). There are variety choices of scrumptious and crunchy sea foods in this platter. Including are fried prawns, fish, calamari, mushrooms with tasty chips and also garlic rice for those that yearn for appetite satisfactions. What I can say is that I love the fishes on the left of this picture. It has tender but crispy layer of fried skin and the most important is the fish is very fresh. When it enters your mouth, you will feel the abundant of fish meats splattering and swimming in your mouth while massaging your tongue and the sauce from the toppings will intrigue your mind to savour every bite of this well cooked fish.
This platter is served for 2 person and it has perfectly grilled fish, calamari, big prawns, oysters and of course garlic rice as a wholeness of this set. What is different with this platter and the previous is that this platter is grilled. Which mean its healthier and suit for those that are sensitive towards fried foods.
Before this two platters are served, the waiter and waitress will perform some exciting and eye opening demonstration to the customers. The prawns and fishes on the platter will be burned with a highly flammable Bunsen burner which will bring out the aroma from the foods on the platter especially the prawns and the grilled fishes with special sauce on top of it. Burning it with a high degree fire instantly will create a sense of smoothness on the fishes and blend the sauce and the grilled/fried fishes together as a whole creating a newly formed, perfect aroma which will entice everyone within 99999km radius.
Three sets of dishes from Manhattan Fish Market. By the way, we ordered peach drink. For your information, it is refillable. We do not know this until one of our friend went to refill. You can actually share a cup of drink and having unlimited refilling of the peach juice. (only certain drinks)

Clean and Clear. Shining and Sparkling. (**Cleaned the plate because we do not have enough $ to pay...**)


Mutated apple?

Just a simple post to show an apple that I bought recently that is very big and huge. It cost me RM2 for this Fuji apple which I normally bought it at a price of RM1 to RM1.50.



Observe the size of a typical cloth clipper on the right side and compare it with the size of the apple. Since I am quite free, I measured the size too. It is approximately 7cm height x 8.5cm width x 27cm diameter. Almost twice as large as a normal apple.

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"

Are you asking why? Below are some answers:

“Apple is full with antioxidants that could reduce the risk of cancer and reduce damage to cells”

“Apples are known to reduce the risk of degenerate conditions such as Alzheimer’s”

Apple is rich in vitamin C and E”

Apples are fat, sodium and cholesterol free”

Apple is full with fiber – good for digestion”

“Two-thirds of the fiber and lots of antioxidants are found in the apple’s skin”



Gigantic Meal

Location: Pai Jia Le (Baccarat)  - Kuching

Since my friends and I have finished our test for this semester and we have about 3 more weeks before our final exam, we go out for a celebration. Just a simple outing at a restaurant name Pai Jia Le. Its a name for a casino game which translated to English as Baccarat. However, this place is actually a air-conditioned restaurant offering various dishes which could be ordered. The food price ranged from RM8 and above depending on your order.


Look at the size of the plate…We actually ordered 4 dishes with rice. There are Sarawak Midin vegetable, pork ribs, mamee chickens and salad squids. However, since we are all healthy and active teenagers, we need something more to satisfy our metabolism and enormous storage in the stomach. Therefore, we ordered an extra Kantonis fried mee above. It looked like the “Kon Chao Sang Min” in Peninsular Malaysia.


These mees could filled into 9 stomachs




One of the “illegal stuffs” in my room. There had been more than 10 types of this kind of things just in this semester.

Martell VSOP Medaillon 1 Martell VSOP Medaillon 2

Martell VSOP Medaillon

(another example ^-^)


Keropok Segera Cap Ikan Bawal

A very scrumptious, aromatic, crispy and addicting junk food that my roommate import from Kelantan over the South China Sea into the Hornbill state entering the cat city

Since I just found a way to overcome the slow internet speed and the recent virus threat towards the university’s website and network, I tried to post a few blogs today. ^^
I’m currently using Windows Live Writer to write my blog and publish it directly. For your information, Windows Live Writer comes with your Windows Live Messenger. So, all those who often chatting using WLM would probably had already installed this software. Although I can’t use my Flickr account to upload pictures and link it to this blog for faster loading experience, but, hey! at least I can still blog despite the slow (almost zero) connectivity!
So this few blogs, there will be some glitches and errors especially the pictures posted and the picture’s blackquotes (the words beneath the pictures) .


UNIMAS Website Hacked

Do you know the reason behind the slow internet connectivity in UNIMAS (even at CAIS – the magnificent library) or why you are connected to the internet with a very fast connection but you could not even load a page unless you refreshed the page hundreds of times to get it loaded and the page still show some errors?
Thanks to the Indonesian Hackers that all of the people in UNIMAS are facing this disaster. Around the end of September (about 28 Sept), UNIMAS website has been hacked by Indonesian hackers (or crackers for those who understand).
They changed the homepage of UNIMAS official website including all the sub-sites (* which the professional network security termed it as “website defacement” technique. Its not a virus attack but I know most of the people out there are more familiar with the word “virus attack”. Website defacement is harmless actually except causes some annoyances and in some cases, as a distracting attack for another backdoor attack to the server.
Although the technological department in UNIMAS, namely CICTS, had changed all the websites with new design, but there are still some links that do not work. Maybe they are still in the process of developing it while increasing its security.
However, what can be sure is that after the attack from the system crackers from Indonesia, users that uses the university’s internet connection could not load web pages properly and often need numerous reloading and refreshes to load a simple page.
Fortunately, these problems are having lesser impact on users day after days since that incident. This shows that they are really fixing it! (which is why I am able to post some blogs using Windows Live Writer).

Library in the room

A mountain of books in my room
The books in my room. We can open one library in the room already. Haha. But, this is not the books that I borrowed. Its my roommate’s. This proves that we should respect those who studied politics.
They really did their studies before speaking! (not every politicians and definitely not the current politicians in the nation)

LOTTERY of the century!

Just got myself a “lottery” today! At 6.15pm, when my roommate and I was having a soundly evening nap, suddenly, the room door was knocked hardly by someone. While still in a blur state, I opened the door and got myself a lottery of the century.

The “lottery” ticket or should I say a summons from the college’s authority

They claimed that our room is very messy and dirty. And, of course, we couldn’t denied it because the room, at first glance, looked quite messy. This is due to the fact that, recently, my roommate’s stuffs were all around the room as he was busy with his assignments.

Ironically, in my apartment, my roommate and I was the one who cleaned the whole area in the apartment occasionally including the dirty toilet. Yes! Toilet! The toilet which I post some time ago in this blog!

Even though we cleaned the apartment and toilets and of course our own room, we still get a summons. Although, its only a small amount that we need to pay, a mere RM20, but it took away our pride and dignity. Why? The people who made the apartment and toilets dirty and did not even cleaned it did not get any punishment but we, who always consider about the cleanliness of the surrounding got punished. Where is the justice in this world?!

Alright, enough of the complaining and back to the positive point of view. We were actually very fortunate that the group of people who entered our apartment to inspect, namely the college’s principle, Felo, hostel manager, college’s technicians, and university’s guards, were lenient in the inspection. They did not search our cupboards and our belongings.

If they really checked our cupboards and belongings, I’m sure that we will get another hundreds and thousands of free lottery tickets with the amount of the lottery exceeds 10 times the amount that I currently got. There are numerous illegal’s stuffs that we smuggled or hide in our room. Some stuffs were hidden in our room due to some favours from our friends from other colleges. Some were our personal stuffs.

You can start imagining things that are illegal to be brought into hostel. Things that involves fire, alcohols, “foods”, oil, electric devices and so on. Opss…..I just revealed and admitted my transgressions or crime. ^^
Nah…Its actually nothing seriously wrong. Just the rules sucks and meant to be broken for the sake of surviving in this hostel in the middle of the jungle for 4 years long!


Fast Internet Speed

Look at the difference between this two speeds in the picture below....its such a big difference!!

I like it when the speed is this smooth. An astounding 164.70kbps of actual download speed and 192.88kbps speed from the server. However, this is not the case usually. This impressive speed only comes once in a blue moon in my country....

This is the usual case....a magnificent download speed of 0.00kbps!!! The speed from the server is only 4.81kbps but when it reached my computer...the data vanished...By the way...i am using university's internet which uses Cisco routers. But, I am sure the problem comes from the provider, the one and only TM.


SuPeR bLaCk FoReSt bIrThDaY

By popular demand, I tried to find some pictures on my birthday to post it in my blog. Unfortunately, there are NO SUITABLE PHOTOS that could be publish in public!!!How sad could this be....and funny actually. Hahaha. All the photos that are taken are either being sabotaged or there are some people demonstrating obscene act.

If you were asked to choose to find a decent photo from a large album to be presented to a morally minded public, what would you do if all you could find are photos that shows people digging nose, guy and guy hugging from the back (like Titanic scenes), a girl who in the picture looked like a guy, a taiko who seems like asking for some "protection money" and the victim lowered down his head acknowledging the intimidation (UGUT laa), a person digging his teeth, a guy who smile like uncle (apek) with the mouth looked like kissing, a person eating candle showing bad example to the kids around while at the same time smashing his face onto the cake, and even a person drinking cocktail but looked like choking from fake teeth and the list goes on...??!!

Alright, I've already make you all imagined the photos that were taken during my birthday. So, I'm sure you all are already satisfied. Haha...

Anyway, I'll just write something spontaneously without editing this time and post some photos of the cakes...(sounds like cake have a more important place than the people themselves). :P

This is the cafe where they celebrated my birthday. The shop name is VERY nice....HAPPY GARDEN. further and I'll let you all know what this shop is all about!!

Let's begin with the cake they bought and present to me. Yummy~

 The cake name is very special. Its called SUPER BLACK FOREST! I think the picture explain everything in detail...I like the blackcurrant! (opss...just realized the picture written -current instead of -currant)

 A broken chair which brings out a lot of unfortunate event which provoked and almost leads to quarrels and fights around the whole world!!!

This restaurant had been operating for more than a millennium and of course, the chairs in this restaurant are also as old as the dinosour age. And could broke anytime injuring the seaters and damaging the floor. One day, there are more than 20 people went to this restaurant to have a party. But, due to the happening event and joy of celebration, a chair is broken by a taiko (remember the Digi advertisement about the big boss?). Fortunately, the taiko is not injured because, as you know, taiko is usually very swift and careful of what happen in the surrounding. If there is anything that happen, he is usually the first one who will react.

Since the chair is broken, we put the chair aside and continue what we are doing as we thought this is only a small matter. However, after we pay the bill for the foods and drinks, we are still around the area discussing what we usually  expert in. Asking each other the next destination.

Suddenly, the taukeh(shop owner) called one of the taiko's brother  to come over. Without knowing anything, that guy was scolded savagely and mentally tortured with mean tone and language. Why? Because of that little chair. Taiko's brother was very honest. He told the taukeh that he is not the one who broke it. And thus, taiko's brother just made the biggest mistake in his life!

The taukeh was raged by the answer and he claimed that the chair is very strong and new and even can withstand the weight of an elephant! How could a chair break by its own! The lecture goes on until the taiko beh tong (cannot withstand) with how his little brother got psychologically bedridden by a stranger.

The taiko go near them and listen for a while and the first sentence comes out from the taiko was, "I am the person who broke the chair!" (He just admit it!)

"What you want now?! The chair is so old and you were fortunate that I wasn't injured! How could you blame the customer for breaking a chair who had been there for so many years seated by hundreds and thousands of people!"

The taukeh tone changes from an angry and loud voice to a soft, peasant and polite language. "I am not asking you all to pay or what. I know you all are good student. If you all are kind hearted and feel that you all are responsible for this chair, you can pay me."

He is indirectly saying that it is entirely the taiko's and his gang fault!

The debate goes on and on and eventually the taiko's brother asked how much is the chair, the taukeh replied, "Its only RM30." (I've forgotten the exact price as this event happened last month)

How could an old plastic chair cost that much! And thus, the taiko's brother thought of a brilliant suggestion that he thought is fair to everyone, "How about we both divide the amount and both share the damage."

He suggestion was bluntly denied by the taukeh! Remember what he just said earlier about, "If you are kind hearted,.....then you can pay me....", which mean the payment is not even necessary but he still negotiated the price!! Sohai lar! (click the link for definition)

At that instant, another of the taiko's mediator who did not follow the whole story, went ahead and paid the taukeh. He does not want the situation get worse. And so, everything settled with some cursing and gossiping and backstabbing the taukeh.


Since all of some of us stress out and wanted to relax, we went here. An isolated place called Barsaga which offers customer from Heineken to Bacardi and even from Vodka to Chivas up till cocktails standard!
The left contestant is the beautiful and stunning tongkat ali with Ginseng ALIKE flavour called Margarita and its opponent is none other than the famous and brutal AK-47 which of course, taste like AK-47!! You can imagine drinking Ginseng and drinking pure and strong ginger drink with only lemon slices to protect your tastebud. The white powder on the Margarita glass is actually salts.

For your information, the Margarita cocktail is made up of tequila, Triple Sec or Cointreau , fresh lime/lemon juice with the ratio of 7:4:3 respectively. AK-47 is made up of Bourdon whiskey, Brandy, Cointreau, Gin, lime, rum, vodka, whiskey and soda water with the amount of 1/3 each.

Warning: AK-47 shot down my friend and paralyzing him for a few hours!!

Can't believe I wrote so long...thank you for reading.. :D


Kuching Delicacies

Location: various places in Kuching

Just to show the readers some delicacies in Kuching. These food could be found commonly in most food courts in Kuching.

 Nasi Ayam Penyek - A dry fried chicken with rice served with special chilly paste and soup. The best Nasi Ayam Penyek is at India Street in Kuching town made by mamak. Superb!
Lui Cha - Herbs kind of soup served with rice and peanuts and also some other vege (The best Lui Cha is at Green Road - maybe because the soup is green....). It is highly nutritious and is recommended for health maintenance (sounds like those herbal life health care product...)

This is called Heng Hua Mee. I tried this at one of the 7th mile shop after a badminton session. This mee is self-made and it is served with seaweeds, peanuts, taufu, and porks.

Sarawak Tang Hun with taufu

Lai Chee Kang - This pic was taken at Song Kheng Hai  Food Court in Padungan street, Kuching (the cat statue). Another food I think is nice is the dry fried mee here but did not take any picture of it. I will try to update it some day. :D

ABC in a cup

Typical ABC

Midin - A kind of vegetable which is famous among the locals in Sarawak as well as Southern Sabah. It is a kind of fern which resembles the 'paku-pakis' in the Peninsular Malaysia. Since it only stay fresh up to 2 days after harvesting, it is hardly seen in other places. So, Sarawak is the only place to have fresh and abundant Midin to satisfy your taste-bud.


Smuggling Kek Lapis

Hari Raya has just ended and many of my coursemates are back! They brought back some delicious and famous Kek Lapis (Layered cake) from their 'kampung' . We usually meet our coursemates during the class hours and how should we distribute and eat during the class?


Just as the title says, we SMUGGLE it!

And the lecturer did not even notice a thing about what all of us are doing in front of him. (this smuggling needs some skills to disguise)

Smuggling the layered cake around the class inside a lecture hall with the lecturer in front of us noticing nothing!

Speaking about Kek Lapis, Sarawak is famous for its layer cake. One of the best layer cake in town is just across the  Kuching Waterfront. Kek Lapis Dayang Salhah is the name of the shop. The layer cake here is famous because it is homemade and it taste good. We can reach there by using boat rides or 'sampan' or through the land journey via the Satok bridge (much longer distance).

There are more than 39 types of Kek Lapis offered here with the price ranging from RM10 to RM75 excluding other fees such as postage and special order. For more information, please visit their website here.


Thompson Corner Laksa Sarawak

Location: Tabuan Jaya, Kuching
Shop name: Thompson Corner
Food: Laksa Sarawak (also offering claypot rice and other foods)
Price: RM5.50 for the large bowl
Date: 29 September 2009

Since one of the Opto class cancelled, 6 of us (2guys 4girls) squeezed into a Perodua Viva with the bags and files dumped at the back of the car.

Proceed to Tabuan Jaya, Thompson Corner to have a bowl of Laksa Sarawak

Look at the sizes offered at this stall. We ordered various sizes of Laksa Sarawak, be it small, medium or large as shown in the picture above. Did anyone notice the size of the prawn?! And the numbers of cockles in the bowl??


Various types of Sarawak Laksa which could be found in Sarawak of course! :D
The lower right picture is a home made sarawak laksa.


30 Facts about Kuching

1. Kuching is the only city in the country where motorist can 'turn left when exit is clear' legally!

2. More than 50% of houses in Kuching are Semi-D and bungalows which is more than any other cities.

3. There are more satelite dishes in the backyard of Kuching houses than other place combined together.

4. 80% of Kuching preety girls go out without make-up,wearing simple short, T-shirt and japanese slippers.(o.O)

5. There are more potholes on the road than on its people faces. Comparing with Georgetown, number of potholes in Kuching are 50 times more.

6. Kuching is a place where it is strictly no car honk territory. You cannot honk at other motorist, if you do, road-rage ensues. (That is if you are lucky...)

7. Comparing Kuching to other big cities, they have the least number of jobs currently available posted in

8. Public transportation in Kuching is one of the worse. If you saw a public bus in Kuching, you are very lucky that day. There are quite a number of taxis available in Kuching but, it also come with a price! Most local citizens, that does not possessed own vehicle, will use the service of 'van sapu' which is cheap vans that replaces buses and taxis. But, only available at certain places.

9. Kuching is the city where the majority of family in here have the motto of 'one person one car' and not 'one family one car'. When the children get their license, they will eventually have their own car. Form 5 student will drive to school. Even when fuel price hiked the number of cars in a family will still be the same.

10. Kuching is the only city in Sarawak where DAP won.

11. The most luxurious shopping complex in Kuching is The Spring which is 1/10 the size of Midvalley Megamall in KL, 1/3 the size of Gurney Plaza in Penang.

12. One of the largest supermarket chain in Kuching is Everise.

13. They have 2 main cinemas and its the only cinemas, which are Star Cineplex and the recently established cinema named MBO.

14. There are helicopter patrolling the city skies everyday, but crimes are still rampant (in certain areas). Police officers are mostly patrolling in crowded area but other than that, one can hardly notice the existence of police.

15.  Kuching's roundabout is very very very big compared to other cities. It has the size of almost 1 and half the size of a football field. They could even build hundreds of houses inside the roundabout and thousands of plants and trees in it.

16. The people here often refer the location in the city by using the word "mile". Example are 3rd mile, 4th mile, 5th mile and so on.

17. The majority of people here sleep early and wake up early. Some sleep as early as 8pm and wake up at 5am. Even youngsters sleep at 11pm and wake up at 7am. Even when its holiday. Even if they sleep late, they will still wake up early.

18. Many shops in the cities start to close their shop at around 6pm to 10pm at night.

19. Majority of the people in Kuching is more family minded than money minded.

20. Places that a tourist would most probably visit when they are at Kuching are Jalan Song (for the foods), Friendship park (for dating), Waterfront area (for the culture), cultural village (for the culture also), Damai Beach (for the beach), Santubung (for hiking) and various national parks (for the animals and plants).

21. Foods that should not be missed when visit Kuching are the famous Kolo Mee, Mee Po, Kampua mee, Laksa Sarawak, Kek Batik/Lapis, Kueh Chap and 7th mile teh C peng.

22. When you order fruit juices at food courts, prepare to face the curious and blurry expressions from the locals there. Why? Local people seldom order fruit juice and fruit juices in Kuching is quite expensive. They mostly ordered Teh C Peng or Teh C Special (3layer drink).

23. Kuching has one of the luxurious and largest DUN (Dewan Undangan Negeri) building or could be said as palace.

24. Roadblocks in Kuching are mostly in collaboration with the armies. There will be trucks, polices and armies holding M16 rifles, on standby mode whenever there is any roadblocks. (Maybe the bad people here are very bad...)

25. But, the majority of people here are more civilized minded compare to other cities in Malaysia and most of them are very friendly.

26. Various languages are mastered by the locals here such as Sarawak language, Iban language, Bidayuh language, Hokkien language, Mandarin language, Bahasa Melayu, English and so on.

27. Don't be surprised if you see non-malay speaking Iban/Sarawak language and malays speaking mandarin. Its a norm here.

28. Majority of local guys here have tatoo on their body.

29. Do not expect all the long houses to be made of wood, built in the middle of the jungle, with no electricity and water, surviving with only river stream nearby! Its not true. Most of the long houses here are already developed and looked like a long terrace house with abundant electricity and water supplies.

30. Most cars in Kuching are imported cars such as Porche, Mazda RX8, Nissan Skyline, Toyota, and Honda (this shows that the people here are quite rich). However, there are also a lot of Perodua Viva and Kancil (for renting and economic usage).

Any more facts you would like to add please leave in the comment. :D


Love: The Moves (Part 3)

"So does anything work?" Mark was saying. "What are the moves of courtship?"

"The first moves are all in your head," I said. "When you're enjoying a social activity with a girl, you should admit to yourself that it's inherently unlike a social activity with a guy friend. Call it what it is: A date."

"That makes it sound like it might lead to something," he grumbled.

"It might lead to something. That's the point. Dating generates expectations. The problem in our time isn't that it generates expectations — because it ought to generate them. The problem is that too often it generates either wrong expectations or conflicting expectations."

"What do you mean by that?"

"By what?"

"Wrong or conflicting expectations."

"An example of a wrong expectation is when the guy thinks he's entitled to sex. The sexual powers are too powerful to play around with outside marriage."

"I see that well enough. What about the conflicting ones?"

"For instance when the guy views the girl just as someone to have fun with, while the girl views the guy as someone she might be interested in marrying." I smiled wryly. "And I have to tell you, in a case like that my sympathies are with the girl."


"Her biological clock is ticking a lot faster than yours. From a purely physical point of view, you can father a child at almost any point in your life, but she has to have children while she's young. So it makes sense for her to be viewing every date in terms of possible marriage — and it's childish and selfish for the guy to expect her not to."

He grimaced. "So from your point of view, the whole purpose of dating is for the girl to find a suitable marriage partner."

"No. For both of them to find suitable marriage partners."

"Don't put any pressure on me or anything, Prof."

I laughed. "You call that pressure? I could put a lot more pressure on you than that."

"Like what?"

"Like saying that you shouldn't date anyone you wouldn't consider marrying."

"Hey, wait," Mark said. "You're going pretty fast. That's not in the Bible, is it?"

I smiled. "No, Mark. Do you think that lets you off the hook?"

"Doesn't it? After all, we're Christians."

"Nope. When certain Corinthians threw in Paul's face their slogan that everything not forbidden is permissible, he replied 'but not everything is beneficial.1 Thinking like a Christian means a lot more than doing what the Bible says; it also means thinking like the Bible thinks, even about things the Bible doesn't mention. That includes having respect for human nature as God designed it, like the difference between your biological clock and the girl's. It also includes realism about temptations."

"Well, OK, I guess I see that. But what if the girl knows I'm not interested in marrying her?"

"How do you know she knows that?"

"Because she says so. Why are you laughing?"

"Sorry. I happened to remember what my wife said about that to one of our nephews the other day, and she's very funny. Her advice was that if you're dating a girl and she says she understands that you're not interested in marrying her, don't believe her."

Mark was scandalized. "You mean I should expect girls to lie?"

"No, no. Well, yes, they do sometimes, but no more than guys do, and that's not what I mean. It's just that if a girl says she understands a thing like that, she doesn't understand herself any better than the guy does."

"I don't get it."

"Have you forgotten already? Think of Molly, Mark, think of Molly."

He winced. "I get it."

"Any more questions?

"Lots. What about this? You say that I shouldn't even date anyone I wouldn't consider marrying. But what if I'm not interested in getting married at all?"

"Are you not interested in getting married at all?"

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it much."

"Then start thinking now."

"Why? I don't have to get married, do I?"

"No. But there's a good reason and a bad reason to avoid marriage, and the matter isn't just up to you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Some people — especially guys — avoid marriage because they're too selfish to get married. Actually marriage and family are one of God's ways of breaking us out of our selfishness. So that's the bad reason."

He raised an eyebrow. "What's the good reason?"

"Jesus says that a few people are set aside by God for an unmarried way of life for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven.2 Paul talks about this too.3 But Jesus makes clear that the single life is difficult. Those who are called to it should follow it; those who aren't shouldn't try. So it isn't just a matter of going your own way. In fact it's the opposite of going your own way."

"So if, say, I was called by God to singleness — "

"Then common sense — creational common sense, the common sense about human nature that I called 'thinking like the Bible thinks' — says you shouldn't date at all."

"Because you'd be tempted?"

"Yes, that's one reason. And also because it would be cruel to arouse expectations of possible marriage which it wouldn't be right to fulfill."

Mark blew out his breath through his mouth. "I don't actually think I'm called to a permanent single life."

"Maybe not. Let's suppose you're not. What then?"

"Then it's OK to date. As long as I date only girls I might consider marrying."

"Right. Any thoughts about what sorts of girls those might be?"

"Um — compatible girls?"

"Naturally, but what else do you need to know about them?"

"That they share my faith in Christ?"

"Right, that's a scriptural absolute, and I'm sure you can see why. What else?"

"That they're — hmm — mature? Of good character?"

"Good. Go on."

"That's all I can think of."

"In the creation story, God blessed our first parents and then told them to be fruitful. Good thing for you and me that they obeyed that better than his commandment about the tree."

"You mean I should be looking forward to having kids? So I guess I shouldn't date a girl unless she would make a good mother, too."

"Right. Just like she shouldn't date you unless you'd make a good father."

"Me being a father—that idea's a little hard for me to wrap my mind around, Professor Theophilus."

I smiled. "It's easier to do it than to envision it. We were designed for it."

"Do you have kids?"

"Several. Anything else you find it hard to wrap your mind around?"

Mark thought for a moment. "Yeah. One more thing."

"What is it?"

"Suppose I did decide I was interested — in marrying someone. I mean if she was — still — interested too."

"Go on."

"Suppose she was all those things — and I did feel something for her — though I'm not sure exactly what."

"That's hard for us males to sort out."

"Why is that?"

"I don't know. I have a theory, though. Want to hear it?"


"There's a part of the brain that communicates between the sensitive, emotional side and the rational, analytical side. It's said to be smaller in men than in women."


"So my theory is that we men feel all the same emotions that women do, but we just don't notice."

Mark gaped at me for a second or two, then burst out laughing. "Are you serious?"

I grinned. "Only half serious. But you were saying?"

"Oh, yeah. Suppose I asked — this girl — to marry me — and she said yes. What then?"

"I'd say 'Congratulations.'"

"That's not what I mean. I mean, what are the moves for engagement?"

"I'd say the moves of engagement take care of themselves. Except for one thing."

"What's that?"

"When two people know they're going to be married soon, they begin letting down their guard. Actually this is one of the most important times to keep their guard up."

"You mean sexually?"

"Of course. For example, they may have every intention of remaining chaste, but spend every waking moment alone together. That's a formula for disaster, because being alone with the beloved is supposed to be arousing; that's how God made us. So they need to spend their alone time where there are other people within view."

I paused. "But aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself, Mark? We were talking about dating. You haven't even decided whether you want to marry Molly."

Mark startled, then gave me a sheepish look. "Oh, yeah. I forgot."

---THE END--- 

(Article was written by J. Budziszewski)


Love: Reasons (Part 2)


"What did she change them from, and what did she change them to?"

"From friendship rules to dating rules."

"But that's not exactly what she said, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You quoted her as asking something like, 'What do you call what we've been doing?' So she thinks you're the one who's trying to change the rules."

"But I never said we were dating!"

"But weren't you?"

"Don't I have to think it's a date for it to be a date?"

"Do you have to think a car is a car for it to be a car?"

"This isn't like that."

"Mark, when two people of opposite sex enjoy a social activity, it's called a date."

"But it wasn't romantic."

"Not all dates are romantic, but any date is potentially romantic. That's why steady dating produces expectations, especially among girls. Life is short. Why should they waste their time dating guys who aren't serious?"

"We were never romantic."

"She thought you were."

"Yeah, well, I guess that's true."

"And are you so sure that it makes no difference to you that Molly is a girl? Would you worry like that if some guy wouldn't return your calls?"

"But she didn't say we were dating either. Not before. Once someone asked if we were dating, and she answered before I even had a chance. She just laughed and said, 'Oh, no, we're just friends.' See? She did change the rules on me."

I sighed. "Mark, these days neither girls nor guys seem to want to admit that their dates are dates. But they have different reasons for not wanting to, and those reasons kick in on different occasions."

"What do you call the reasons? Start with girls."

"I'm not sure, but I think one common reason girls today don't call dates dates is that guys today think 'date' means 'sex.' The idea of dating as courtship has almost disappeared."

"I don't pressure girls for sex."

"Does she know that?"

"She ought to. She knows I'm a Christian."

"I'm sure she knows that sexual intercourse outside of marriage is contrary to Christian principles. But a lot of so-called Christian guys do pressure girls for sex. How does she know that you won't?"

"I haven't pressured her yet, have I?"

"But you say you aren't dating, remember?"

"Oh. Well, yeah."

"She might think that one reason you haven't pressured her for sex is that up to now she's gone along with the myth that you aren't dating."

"Maybe," he admitted.

"There's another reason."

"What is it?"

"Often girls these days don't call dates dates because guys these days are so afraid of commitment. You won't say that one doesn't apply to you."

Mark shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"You see, the girl may feel that the only way the guy will ever court her is if he doesn't have to admit that it's courtship."

"All right, I see your point. What do you say are the guy reasons?"

"We've already covered the first one," I said. "Girls are right — guys these days are afraid of commitment. It's part of their fear of growing up. And there's another reason. Fear of failure."

"Fear of failure?"

"If you're 'just friends' and she says no to pizza, it's no big deal. But if you ask her on a pizza date and she says no, it's humiliating. To relieve the pressure, guys don't call dates dates. That's related to another girl reason. Most girls don't want to humiliate guys, so if the guy doesn't call it a date, they go along with him."

"Stop. You're bringing back memories of junior high school."

"That's just it. Some guys never quite get past that stage."

"Are there any other guy reasons?"

"There's one more, but we've covered that one too."

"We have?"

"Sure. You mentioned it yourself."


"Right at the beginning of the conversation. You said that the rules of relationships have changed and that you can't even tell 'who's on first' any more."

"It's true."

"Of course it is. Pressure for sex, fear of commitment, fear of failure — all those things have changed the rules of relationships. Add to those things the feeling that men and women are adversaries, and things look pretty grim. No wonder guys aren't willing to call dates dates. They don't know what they might be getting into."


"The problem is that not calling dates dates doesn't work either."

"Why not?"

"Think of your dinner with Molly."

"Oh." Mark thought a moment. "So does anything work? What are the moves of courtship?"

To be continue... (Stay tuned for more!)